This morning I lay in bed, wishing for more sleep, but my little ones were waking up. So I laid there, watching my sweet children as they woke up and began playing. Yes, we have a family bed. It works for us. We are right there when our children need us. It makes breastfeeding at night much easier. We trust that when our children no longer have a need to be close to us during the night, they will move on to their own beds. Right now it’s more important for our 5 1/2 year old to feel secure that Mom and Dad are there to protect him from monsters or ghosts and that he can depend on us. It’s important for our three year old to snuggle close as she falls asleep, knowing that she has a special place. Our 10 1/2 month old needs to nurse to sleep and thoughout the night. He needs to be able to stretch his little hands or feet out to feel Mom or Dad as he sleeps. They are little for such a short time. We feel that giving them what they need when they are little will give them a strong foundation so that they can grow into their independence and autonomy rather than having it thrust upon them prematurely.
I digress. This morning I alternated between closing my tired eyes, listening to the little sounds and watching them play. My 10 month old had crawled over me and his waking sister to get to his brother. I watched as my 5 year old built a cave out of blankets. There is something about small spaces that is so appealing to children. My son then engaged his baby brother and played with him, involving him in the activity that was just a few moments ago a special thing all unto his own. They were connecting. The difference in their ages didn’t matter.
Pam Leo coined the term “connection parenting.” What would you call that special connection between siblings? Surely it is just as important in a family with multiple children. We are all working together so that we can meet everyone’s needs.
When my two older children build with blocks or make a train track, they pretend that my youngest is a monster. That comment sounds horrible. The first time I heard them say that, it gave me pause. However, I took the time to observe and realized that they were not saying it with any mal intent. In fact, this has proven to be a game that works for everyone. They recognize that their baby brother has a need to explore, move things and knock things down. They also realize that the funnest part of building with blocks or a train is actually building. The monster game meets everyone’s needs. The older children build, the baby gets to knock things down, and the children get to build again. It’s an amicable solution and one that I had no help in coming up with.
At times like these, I enjoy sitting back and observing. I hope that the skills my children are building will help them with all of their relationships when they are older – with one another, with us, with their own children and spouses, and with other people.
