I read this article today. I will be contemplating it over the next period of time. Right now I feel need to search out others who are like-minded, but I also need to think about this.
Reflections on Isolation
by Naomi Aldort
You are not alone in your parenting ways. We are all here together. And the parents who do it all differently are the same too, they just don’t know it yet. The illusion of separation hurts. If I look at a mother who yells at her child in the park and see her as ignorant and careless, I create my own isolation and pain. If, instead, I notice how she is at her wits’ end feeling helpless and out of control, I am with her. She is part of me. She is a mother in my own movie, my own life. I have a mother here with me who is having a hard time, and a child who is hurting. How can I help? For my sake, because I want a kinder view for me and my children.
If I see garbage on the ground in the park I pick it up because I want it clean. If I see a yelling parent, I want a kind parent and child, so I help. I bring kindness into the world of that moment. I may validate or offer physical help if I can and if it is needed and welcomed. If I can’t help, I hold loving and validating thoughts toward the mother and child. Sometimes a loving and understanding eye contact will make the whole difference. In that split second, the mother connects with me, knowing she is not alone, not judged; she and I are a community. She may calm down and kindness may flow through her.
Often you call with issues of isolation. No one else sleep with their children, let them be their own way etc. Let me tell you what I see; they want to, they just don’t know and their mind, like yours, is designed to defend their position. If you see them as separate, wrong, or stupid, you isolate yourself and exclude them from the possibility of love. It is the same as with the bragging. Remember when we talked about the concept of bragging and I suggested that my children are not mine, but ours to celebrate? The other side of it is that the parts of us that are not thriving are also all ours. Another parent is part of the whole. To create peace, all of us have to get there. We must take care of every mother and child.
Taking care does not mean intervention or judgment. Only inclusion and responsibility. She is part of me. I have in my community a hurting child and parent. I help or I hold my loving thoughts. It is like having pain in my arm. My arm is part of the body I see as me and I care for it. The upset mother is also part of my universe, to be taken care of – with love.
©Copyright Naomi Aldort
