It’s been a month since I posted anything. In my head, I’ve had many lovely posts; I just haven’t had the time to write them down. There was a time in my life when I would now apologize to the dear lovely readers of this blog for not posting more regularly. However, I don’t need the guilt in that. I have no obligation to share whatever thought pops in my head. I do so only because I want to share with others or to get things off my chest.

I think our society has a very skewed view of what we are obligated to do.  Growing up, part of gift giving meant that you spent time thinking about the person you planned to give a gift to and came up with something meaningful. We didn’t have much money, but gifts were always thoughtful, and hence, appreciated. Gifts were given because you cared and wanted to share something with the person.

In my husband’s family, you handed a list to the person and they purchased something off of it. There was an obligation to buy something and an obligation to come up with something you thought that person could afford. When my husband and I began dating, he adopted the philosophy of my family. My in-laws really don’t understand this concept and to this day request a list of ideas from us.

When our oldest was just over one year old, my in-laws came to visit us over the holidays. We didn’t have a lot of money. I was a SAHM, no longer in grad school nor working. My husband was finishing up his last year of graduate work. However, we spent a lot of time and thought over what we wanted to give them as a gift. We knew they liked to watch a lot of movies and that they weren’t able to go to the theater nearly as often as they were accustomed to going. We found a great deal on an inexpensive DVD player and paired it with a DVD and a small gift certificate to Blockbuster so that they could rent some movies.

When they opened the gift, they said that we shouldn’t have spent so much. We were out with them later and my father-in-law was going on about how we shouldn’t have bought it. I stopped walking, turned to him, and replied, “We don’t give gifts out of obligation. We give gifts because we care, and we always try to put thought into the gifts we give. We gave this to you because we wanted to. It is yours now, and you are free to do whatever you want with it, whether that means keeping it, returning it for something else, or giving it away.” I then proceeded to catch up with my husband. My father-in-law never said another word about it.

We aren’t obligated to do things. We don’t have to give gifts to others. We don’t have to keep items in our homes just because someone gave them to us. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to live our lives fully and with authenticity. Giving a gift or doing something (or not) out of some perceived obligation merely brings guilt.

So, I won’t apologize for the lull in posting. I do hope to post more this month, as I have many thoughts in my head. I also hope you had a wonderful month/Halloween/Thanksgiving/and any other holiday I may have missed.

My oldest turns 7 in a little over a week. Where has the time gone? He is still riding in a carseat with a 5 pt. harness. I just moved the harness straps on his Regent to the highest slots a couple of weeks ago, so he still has plenty of room in his carseat. However, I know many kids who aren’t even in a booster who should be. Does your child meet the five step test?

Last year I had an epiphany concerning children’s books – specifically about Curious George. Since then, I’ve viewed many children’s books differently.

A few weeks ago we checked out the book Sugar Would Not Eat It by Emily Jenkins. I think I inwardly groaned when I saw the book in our bin of library books at home. The entire story is centered around a boy trying to get his new cat to eat a slice of birthday cake. Various adults around his neighborhood give him advice on how to get her to do what he wants based on their own childhood experiences. There are threats, guilt trips, and other coercive parenting techniques which show up in the suggestions. His intentions are good. He doesn’t want his beloved cat to die.

At the end of the book, he stops trying to force his will on the cat. Miraculousy (or not so miraculously) the cat eats. Had he merely trusted the cat to do what she needed to, there would have been no problem…and no point to the book. Which leads me to wonder….are these authors trying to send messages to the parents (or guardians), the children, or both? Or, instead, are the books merely an example of art reflecting life, in which case I’m reading way too much into some of these books?

We could learn so much if we would let go of our emotional baggage and societal pressure and just listen to our children.

We recently checked out The Black Book of Colors by Menena Cottin. This  is a wonderful book about the experience of color rather than the visual impact of color. The book is written from the point of view of a blind boy whose friend has described different colors to him. All of the pages are entirely black minus the white writing. The illustrations are raised rather than drawn. The story is also told in braille. My children loved the book and loved to gently touch the illlustrations and close their eyes while I read it. It was a refreshing change from your typical rainbow color book. I think this may go on our “to buy” list. It is great for little ones.

Yes, we went to another cider mill yesterday. This was an actual field trip with one of our local homeschool groups. The mill wasn’t very organized. They didn’t have our field trip written down and they changed the price on us. However, we still made the best of it. The kids sampled different types of apples. Then they helped make cider in an old-fashioned press, which attracted a lot of bees. Thankfully we sampled some of the mill’s cider rather than the bee brew.

After that, we were all hauled around for a tractor driven hayride to pick out pumpkins. I’m still deciding if these are actually small pie pumpkins or some type of gourd. I’m leaning toward pumpkin looking gourds. They have some areas where they are missing the outer skin but aren’t decaying. They aren’t any good for baking, but they were the perfect size for the kids to paint. The kids had fun painting them yesterday afternoon. At the end of the hayride, the owner told us that each family could pick out a big pumpkin to take home, so we came home with another nice carving pumpkin.

We got a head start on pumpkin carving this morning. I noticed one of our nice sized pumpkins had a couple of holes in the bottom. Unsure of how long it would last, I asked the kids if they would like to go ahead and carve one today. They loved the idea. We kept this one simple. It’s a traditional jack-o’lantern face with vampire teeth. My (almost) seven year old son was disgusted by the feel of the pumpkin “guts.” My daughter went at it with gusto. Next I baked some of the pie pumpkins. I will still have more to bake and puree, but I have a nice big bowl of pumpkin puree waiting to be divided and frozen. My daughter can’t wait for pie.

I spent the majority of last week in the middle of a nursing marathon and didn’t have a lot of time to post. For now, I’ll just post the recipe for these yummy pumpkin cookies we made yesterday.

Pumpkin cookies

2 cups flour (I use half wheat, half white)
1 cup quick oats
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter/margerine, softened
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla 
2 cups pumpkin puree or canned pumpkin
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup raisins
1 cup nuts (any kind, optional)

* Be very generous with dry ingredients. I shake in some extra flour at the end to have a nice cookie dough consistancy, due to the extra pumpkin in these cookies.
Preheat oven to 350. Combine flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Cream butter, gradually add sugars, beating untill light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla, mix well. Alternate additions of dry ingredients and pumpkin, mixing well after each addition. Stir in chocolate chips, raisins, nuts. For each cookie, drop a spoonful of dough onto lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake approximately 15 min, untill firm and lightly browned.

We are an unschooling family. We don’t press any agenda on our children’s learning but encourage them to follow their own interests. Even many child-led homeschoolers will exclaim that there are certain things your children just have to learn and which need to be taught. As unschoolers, we disagree. I’ve really enjoyed watching my children as they learn. In the past 8 months or so, I’ve been watching my oldest child (soon to be seven) have a reading explosion. It’s been a lot of fun to watch this. He has had the ability for years. However, he was always been discouraged because his reading comprehension level is much higher than his reading level – which makes reading a bit frustrating.

However, he is reading more and more. We haven’t forced it. We haven’t told him he needs to read. We’ve just encouraged him and let him know that when he is ready, he’ll do it. It is highly unlikely that a child in a literary rich home would not learn to read. We read books all of the time. We make frequent trips to the library and bookstores. Reading is just a part of life. Just as my children learned to speak, they learn to read.

We could put pressure on our kids. Many parents of gifted children do. Many parents of any children do. However, we know our children will get there when they need to, and we don’t want to extinguish the love of reading. My husband was an avid reader until he had to start giving book reports in school on certain books. He rebelled. He hated people dictating how he read and his love for the subject shrivelled.

Along with my son’s reading, his writing has also had an explosion. He has notebooks which he is always writing stuff down in. Sometimes he asks me how to spell a word but he often also tries to figure out how to spell it on his own. Invented spelling is a natural learning progression for children. I love reading his writing, when invited, of course. Some words may not be spelled correctly, but you can always read what it says. The phonetics are there. He is such a wonderful creative soul and I enjoy watching his love for the literary word grow and develop – at its own pace and in its own way. I feel priviledged to witness this.

All of my children have had their own nursing styles and personalities. Yesterday, as I nursed my 27 month old halfway through his nap, he was making little noises similar to when he was a newborn. I hadn’t thought about nursing him when he was a newborn in quite some time. He has always been my little gourmet nurser. As a newborn, he always made noises while he nursed, and he was LOUD. Nursing discreetly in public is difficult when your nursing newborn is loudly making it abundantly clear that he is eating and whole-heartedly enjoying himself. He was quite the little lactivist in his own way. Yesterday he was making those same noises while nursing during his nap, and I missed his little baby self for a bit. I love watching all of my children grow and learn. Being a mother has been the most amazing experience. However, I don’t want to forget the little things I’ve enjoyed along the years with them, either.

Yesterday was our chiro day. Normally my husband drives from work and joins us at the tail end of our family appointment for his adjustment. Afterward, we drive and have lunch out with him. It’s a nice little treat for our family to have lunch with daddy on a day he works. Yesterday, my husband couldn’t join us because he had clients in town. We were sad to miss a daddy lunch, but again, we made the most of it.

After our appointment, we headed to a local maternity consignment shop with little luck. Next we headed to Chik-Fil-A. I had a coupon for a free sandwich, so it kept the cost down. I realized I really don’ t care for Chik-Fil-A. It was rather greasy and salty. Of course, we had time to play at their indoor playground. I was surprised to be the only adult in there. I found myself helping little ones up after they fell and directing them out to their parents. It was very loud and older kids were play fighting in a space not meant for that. However, I did get to witness the kindness and empathy exhibited by my own children. That just warms my heart.

Next we headed to a friend’s house. We spent an entirely pleasant afternoon there. Our children made various art projects and played together. We had great conversations – adults and children interacting together, regardless of age. We have a few friends who live lifestyles close to ours. They treat their children respectfully, the children treat others repectfully, and life is just peaceful. It’s such a relief to spend time with friends and not have to worry about an adult yelling at their child or belittling them. It’s nice to know that the other children aren’t going to run over my kids or push ahead of them to get something first. The atmosphere is completely different and peaceful. It’s comfortable and pleasant.

We stopped attending and hosting “playgroups” with our local AP group because of this a year or two ago. We hadn’t been to a playgroup in over 6 months where an adult hadn’t yelled at or belittled their children. At our house we had one family do over $350 worth of damage. I know many would accuse me of being judgemental. The truth is, we just didn’t want to be around it; it stressed our family out. Being with friends who parent with similar beliefs is an entirely different, wonderful experience.

My friend was also getting rid of a lot of books for a low price. I spent a good portion of time going through books and had a nice little stack to take home. Because we try to be generous and give items we don’t need to others, she wouldn’t let me pay her anything, though I offered many times. We went home with some new (to us) books to read and others that we have checked out several times. It’s good to have friends like this.

After posting this morning about having a nice relaxing day at home, my husband called me to let me know that someone had stolen his license plates. Ugh. I told him to call and file a police report while I called the DMV (or here, the DOR) to find out what we needed. It seems that none of the DOR’s actually answer their phones so that you can ask them what you need before you drive down with kids in tow. I left a message, but of course no one called me back. Neither do they have a “what to do if some low-life steals your license plates” check list on their website.

The police officer my husband spoke with said we would need the paperwork from when we renewed our license plates and the number for the police report. So, the kids and I headed there with this information in hand. We usually don’t have too long of a wait at the DOR. Since it’s still early in the month, I was hoping that would be the case. Unfortunately, we ended up waiting for an hour. It would have been much longer, but quite a few people were tired of waiting and left. We got up to the counter and were informed that because my name wasn’t on the title, I couldn’t get the replacement plates (although they are happy to have me come in and pay when it’s time to renew). I knew we should have taken care of that; the next day my husband has off from work, we’ll get that little bit taken care of.

I called my husband and left a message asking for him to call me when he got a chance. We headed down the street to buy new screws to hold new license plates on. Thieves stealing license plates don’t take the courtesy to replace your screws. Since I had to buy new screws anyway, I bought locking mounting screws. I figured a little deterrant wouldn’t hurt. I went ahead and bought a second set for the van. While waiting for my husband to get out of his meetings and call us back, we decided to head to the mall. We could get several errands out of the way.

First we went to get the boys haircuts. My older son has been growing his hair out for quite some time. I have fully supported his decision, but admittedly it’s been looking pretty shabby lately and it wasn’t turning out the way he had hoped. I didn’t feel confident in my hair cutting abilities and felt we needed a professional to get it in control since he had decided to cut it. He came out with a totally adorable haircut which is still super cool. He can even gel the top of it for some spikes. He is very happy. My younger son, after watching his brother (or after waiting even more after the DOR), decided he didn’t want to cut his hair. Actually, he informed me he only wants me to cut it at home. I guess I’ll have to hone my skills anyway.

Next we headed for pretzels. My daughter has been wanting a pretzel from the mall for quite a while. Today was the day to get one. With a little more time to kill, we headed to Motherhood Maternity and Old Navy in the hopes of finding some maternity clothes. Motherhood was a bust. I didn’t like anything there, which I am perfectly fine with. I hate that they sell their customers’ information to formula companies, no matter how hard you try to keep your information private. It violates the WHO code and basic business ethics.

At Old Navy, we found two possible pairs of pants. One pair of corduroy pants was perfect except that it had a true waist. My belly just isn’t big enough to hold them up yet. The second pair however, was perfect. The under belly waist means it fits now and will through the entire pregnancy. The cargo, slightly flared leg is totally my style. The fabric is lightweight but lined in jersey knit. It feels like you are pulling on the most comfortably soft sweatpants ever but they look like regular pants. Score!

At this point my normally non-mall going, anti-shopping self was more than ready for my husband’s return call. I explained that I needed a signed and notarized power of attorney to get his replacement plates. I had the form in hand and he said his schedule was free.

We drove thirty minutes to his work and took him out to lunch to give everyone a break. We were making the most of our day. After dropping him off and driving the thirty minutes back, I was hoping for a short line. Instead, we waited another hour. The teller (are they tellers?) called the number before us and then said that our number was next. I gathered the kids and we were ready to get up there. However, this woman apparently had an itchy trigger finger. So, when the next available person looked to see what number was next, she skipped over our number. I wasn’t certain whether to scream or cry. Itchy finger woman went on break and it took me a couple of numbers before someone would listen that our number had been skipped. The woman acted all put out, but ten minutes later we were walking out with my husband’s new license plates.

Whew! We came home and the kids played in the bathtub for an hour to relax. It was a long day. It wasn’t what we had planned, but it all worked out. It wasn’t entirely bad, as we tried to find joy in what we were doing.

I’m putting tiny containers of bubbles in the van for occassions like this. My older son had some with him and they entertained us at the DOR for quite a while.